Birds and the Bee’s

So today I have the day to spend with the kids until my oldest goes to afternoon kindergarten.  While taking advantage of this time to do a few errands my oldest engages me in a conversation with this question. 

J- “Mom, how will the baby come out of your tummy?”, mind you I am driving at the time so thank goodness he does not have to witness my expression which is pretty much pure terror.

Me – “Good question honey.”  Stall……. stall…. thinking how to explain…. wondering why I am the only adult in the car right now….. wondering if I can switch topics without him noticing…. wondering how much my husband would be laughing right now if he were here… wondering if I will scar my child for life if I tell him the truth.

I look in the mirror and glance over my shoulder.  J is seriously waiting for the answer.  Personal pep talk – Ok, toughen up mom just tell him the truth!

Me – “Well the baby is in my tummy and then you know where mommy goes potty?”

J – “Yes.”

Me – “Well the baby comes out of that area.” Mind you I am trying to explain this, drive and gesture at the same time to my VJJ area (thanks Oprah! although I use the real world with my kids).  I look in the mirror and I can tell he is not quite getting it or maybe not believing me.

In the meantime my youngest Z decides to join in the conversation. 

Z – “Mommy, the baby comes out of your weiner?”

Me – holding in a laugh and figuring that if he can say weiner I can tell him exactly where the baby comes from.

Me – “Girl’s don’t have weiners, they have vagina’s and that is where the baby comes from.”  I give myself a little virtual pat on the back because I said the words and nobody fainted, including me.

J still looks puzzled so I repeat the words with a little gesture from my belly to my VJJ area.  I think he gets it and thank goodness by that time I think the topic of conversation begins to change about a playground we pass outside. 

Wow, all that and it is just the start of the weekend.



Filed under Muses of a Pregnant Mommy

5 responses to “Birds and the Bee’s

  1. aunt tracy

    kids say the darnest things don’t they… but hey at least you were honest with them and didn’t have a accident while you were driving…

  2. thediaperdiaries

    I am giggling very hard right now. Man, what are we going to say when we really have to have “the talk.” Is there anyone I can hire to do it for me?

  3. fog city mommy

    lol. oh god that’s good!!!!

  4. oh my goodness! I guess that is one thing that is easier when you have kids when all your kids are under 3. None of those kind of questions yet!

  5. cleaver mama

    I am laughing so hard!

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